I think you think what you want me to think is what I think. That is, what I think you think you think.
Happy Saturday! I just wanted to say, if your not going to love me I’m still going to love you. This morning the coffee dispenser told me thank-you. This might or might not have happened. It made sense at the time? I won’t be blogging as frequent. The last book took a lot out of me and I’m letting the current energy I have exist for a while, and taking everything in stride. It’s a new space, not sure of what it is, but it’s good! I’m not forcing anything. Also, I’m currently building a chopper. (FUNNY STORY: The wife was pretty upset about me buying this. Understand, I didn’t ask for her permission. Two days later, engine swap and almost able to fire it up. She’s now upset that there is only one seat. . . I love her!) Enjoy yourself.
I was an old man for ten seconds. A hair dangled in front of my face, as if it were alive, as if it were dancing. The hair was mine, but I couldn’t take my eyes off it. It was making me cross eyed as I focused on it. To be honest, it wasn’t even about me being unable to look away from the hair. I was engrossed with the feeling of being old. I had just left or returned, I can’t recall? I was old. A sound of a plane flying overhead was heard, followed by a cold breeze. Perhaps the breeze or the sound of the plane had triggered this feeling – I can’t say? Voices, faces, places, and times, hit me at once. I was standing, swaying from left to right, no-doubt influence of being old. The voices, the faces, all said something, all at once. Some words were more distinct than others, but they were all saying something; perhaps nothing? I could see their egos, their insecurities, as they too were observing me with their standards of approval or disapproval. I was just too old to care, too old to entertain the entertainers.
Everything that I know is what I know because that’s what I know. Sound familiar? Now, what is it that I don’t know? Would I know that which I don’t? How could I? Such thoughts don’t keep me awake at night; don’t filter into my dreams and into my daily life. I do this so I should have this. I am this so I should be this. I am what I am and it is this way because it is this way. I do or don’t know if I know and can’t say if I could even say. If there were something else, something more or something less than the something else, would I know, would I care? What would it be? What wouldn’t it be?
I want it because it’s what I want or what I am supposed to want? Why do I or don’t I want what I am supposed to want? Moreover, I want it because it is or isn’t what you would expect me to want because you do or don’t want it? Lastly, why would you expect me to want it regardless of the fact if you do or don’t?
Did that just happen?
Most of the time or some of the time? Again for the first time?
I think I’m getting tired, or just getting started . . .